oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
