Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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