I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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