just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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