Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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