Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
