she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just forgot I was standing up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
