You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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