I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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