I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
