i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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