Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.