Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?