Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny