Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
