I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood