its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?