My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
