my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
