I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
