Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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