Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
