Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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