I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
