one two three fourrrrnication!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
