I hate your face
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
