So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
