Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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