well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
