i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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