Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
