I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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