At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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