he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
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