Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
