We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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