Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
