I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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