don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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