those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Randomize
