If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
