First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
