I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
