oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
