Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize