Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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