I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize