i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
