last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
