Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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