Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
