splinters make it hard to masturbate
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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