Where is the hickey?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You made out with two different species that night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
