I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize