better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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