Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You pole danced in your parka.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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