Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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