Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
