Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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