Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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