he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
