since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
