I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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