On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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