My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
