I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
