hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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