That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
