a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
