Cold hands, warm shart.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
